Hey Yo!! Before we get into today’s post, I want to deeply thank everyone who sent their warm and sweet messages following the GRAND arrival of our little one. We are so grateful and we thank God. Now let’s get into the details of how those 40 weeks 5 days we’re probably the most emotional and draining weeks of my life because girllllllllllll what a ride. What a ride that was🤷. First off, with today’s post, my intentions are pure ladies and maybe gents. I’m not here to discourage anyone but simply just sharing my own experience to hopefully enable you to be very open minded about pregnancy. I was so used to hearing women say what a magical journey it was and how they’d do it again in a heart beat and I expected it to be the same for me. Honestly speaking, mine wasn’t anything close to magical. I had some very few great moments here and there but I’m not certain if I’d do it again in a “heart-beat”. A lot of thought will have to go into considering baby #2. Hah! Again, this is just my own personal experience as every experience is different.
I’ve always been quite an emotional person. I hate to admit. I mean I get irked by the smallest things. When it came to my pregnancy, it was a whole different ball game. My pregnancy was just a whole lot to deal with. I would half the time feel so ardent, tons of tears came along with it, feeling helpless, not “good-enough”, fear, confusion, uncertainty, loneliness and not to forget the morning sickness that went all the way until I had baby. Yup! 40 weeks 5 Days of feeling ill plus the discomfort that came with it, throwing up every now and then the kicks which I honestly hmmm, not sure if I really enjoyed them to be honest. They we’re so weird and really uncomfortable. But part of me was grateful to know that little one was kicking because he is healthy, active and alive. I up to date don’t understand how my body and brain hacked through and not to forget the LABOUR and BIRTH. But this is what we we’re made for I guess?🤷🤷 Salute to all mothers and mothers to be!
Having a great support system is important for any pregnant woman and I’m thankful to God He blessed me with that. However, you’ll have a great support system but at the end of the day, for some weird reason, you still feel quite shitty about yourself and life in general. I felt that quite often. My greatest fear was that I wasn’t bonding with my child. I was afraid I’d be those mom’s who’d later get into postpartum depression once they had their babies or probably, God forbid have a premature birth cause I was so stressed. I was afraid my stress would affect his growth and development. Thank God everything turned out fine. Everytime I think about it, I’m a ball of tears.
The most difficult part about this journey was opening about what i really felt. I mean really venting about my feelings to someone without being seen as petty or being judged. My lunch breaks at work changed from being normal lunch breaks to being sessions at the parking lot in my car where I’d literally break down for a good 1-hour and then nap in between and go back to the office at 2pm. Like who wants this life? My sister had just had her baby and my mum has always been quite the listener so I gathered they’d be less judgemental and open to hearing me out. On one of my afternoon sessions I decided to call my mum and talk to her and isn’t it how amazing mum’s just have the right thing to say? I remember later on in the day texting my sis and telling her of my frustrations and feelings and really venting. Thank God for sisters. I did pray about it as well. Down the line it was clear that part of what I felt was super normal. I mean I had never been pregnant before in my life so everything was completely new to me.
What I do appreciate is the fact that someone listened to me and as much as there was only so much they could do to help in the situation, they somewhat made it bearable. Everything was finally falling into place. Also, spending time with myself and doing things (sorta, cause again the lack of energy….. 🙁 ) I really love helped ease the situation. Even better, my sister’s baby girl and my son are a little bit over 5 months 8 days apart and this makes me burst with so much joy to know that they’ll grow up so closely together and become the best of friends! Seeing my niece grow into this little beautiful girl made me look forward to meeting my son. It made me excited and my mind shifted towards a completely different focus towards the very end of my pregnancy and I stopped worrying so much about the unhealthy emotions, stress and really things that weren’t adding any value positively. I knew I needed to be at the right state of mind. This now made me, more than ever, excited to meet my son. I was literally determined to get into that delivery room and pop the baby like a pack of tic-tacs. Hah! 😀
Fast forward, when I sit back and look at the blessing that has been my baby boy, I couldn’t wish to have it any other way. How did I survive this entire time without him? He’s everything and even more of what I’d ever wished for in my life. He completely changed my life guys. I swear. Completely. I feel awakened and more intentional about my purpose in life. He’s the sweetest boy and full of all sorts of cuteness. My love for him goes beyond anything I ever imagined. He is the love of my life. My rock. My source joy & strength. My whole world. Life is all of a sudden such an amazing, perfect and fun journey because God chose me to be his mama.
Thanks for reading. Xo! Hope you enjoyed the article. PS: I never got any stretch marks during my pregnancy. Phewwww!! Secret? I would literally slather aramis every single day. No fancy products. Just aramis. It’s advisable to do this before your skin starts stretching for great results. 🙂 Now off to attend to my tots.
Crop top: Mr Price
Tights: Vivo Activewear
Glam and photography by : John Kuria